My Only Solution
Let me continue my story “My Only Solution” by quoting Dr. Bob. Dr. Bob was the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous. I will quote him as he wrote in the Big Book of AA, on page 161 from the Chapter, “Doctor Bob’s Nightmare” –
“If you still think you are strong enough to beat the game alone, that is your affair. But if you really and truly want to quit drinking liquor for good and all, and sincerely feel that you must have some help, we know that we have an answer for you. It never fails, if you go about it with one-half the zeal you have been in the habit of showing when you were getting another drink.”
I came into the rooms of recovery many years ago, it was in 1979.
It was 1979 when I attended my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
Thousands of Meetings
That was almost 43 years ago. In that time I have attended thousands of meetings, with-in Alcoholics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, and Narcotics Anonymous.
I would love to say I have 43 years of clean and sober time. That the meetings were enough to keep me clean and sober. They weren’t.
What I have is almost 43 years of exposure to the only solution I have ever known. One that eventually worked in my case.
However, most of the last number of years were not fashioned in the way Doctor Bob prescribed in the aforementioned quote.
Just what do I mean by that?
Well , When I WAS!
Well, when I was using and drinking it seemed as if all of my efforts in life were just in doing that; drinking and using. I was totally engaged and had an extra supply of zeal in doing so.
When I would drink and use drugs I would exhibit:
- passion, ardor, devotion,
- enthusiasm, eagerness, appetite,
- relish, gusto, vigor, energy, and intensity!
When I was drinking and using I would have a:
- great sense of urgency, interest, attraction, and captivation.
My mind and actions were,
- engrossed, absorbed, and occupied.
I was,
- devoted, enthusiastic, and committed.
Obsession & Pre-Occupation
The history of my addiction and alcoholism involved an obsession. A 24 hour round the clock pre-occupation that drove me into oblivion.
It landed me wherever it wanted to, whenever it wanted to.
For those folks that do not understand, I could only describe it as “pure insanity”.
I was willing at anytime, anywhere, to –
- do, say, feel, think, act, lie, steal, embezzle, convince,
- con, spend, forge, deal, perpetrate, cajole, and manipulate
anything or anyone!
My Master’s
Everyone including myself, to meet the needs the desires of my incessant hunger for the next hit, drink or fix.
Addiction and alcoholism were my masters.
I was a slave to their cunning grip, squeezing my soul and spirit. Shattering them into worthless dust.
Blown into any direction they wished.
Taking and removing every hope and dream, no more love, or comfort. Only misery and pain.
Old Idea’s vs The Solution
My friends showed me and instructed me that if I were to let go of my “old ideas” and open my mind up to a new way of thinking, then maybe I might have what they have. They told of a type of surrender, a giving into the process, conceding to the fight.
Their guidance led me to a new understanding.
A understanding of what they were describing, was, in fact, very real.
It was real to me as I could see it in others. It could be mine if I were to pay a price. Pay a price, and have an honest desire to do so.
The process was explained to me and it was made very clear.
Very clear that if I act as if re to put forth the same effort and zeal, with enthusiasm. As if I had just been cured of a terminal disease.
In addition, I should engage my recovery as I had engaged my addictions.
Then I would and could enjoy the same peace and happiness that they were experiencing.
I was given this “new direction” to follow that did provide me with just that, and much, much more.
Discipline & Direction = Solution
I needed the discipline and direction they spoke of. I had at one time, thought of discipline as being punishment.
Today the “discipline of recovery” is the guiding force of my very life.
If I were to pay attention and focus.
Focus with the same intensity as I did while I was using or getting ready to use. I would reap the benefits. The benefits of a fulfilling and meaningful purpose in life. I
would gain access to a “Power” that, they said, would change everything!
My friends were absolutely right.
One moment it was one way, and then all of a sudden, everything changed. It was as if my reality in the universe has transitioned into a new realm.
They called this a “transformation” or a “spiritual change”.
It was the psychic change the good Doctor Silkworth had written in his letter about many years ago.
One of our promises that the recovery process produces is what we call, “A new freedom and a new happiness”.
I describe it this way:
“Today, I go all day long with a new desire, hope, meaning, and purpose. I go all day long without the thought of drinking or using, but more miraculous to me is that I go all day long not even thinking about how I am ‘not’ going to drink or use.”
“Wow. Don’t think about drinking and don’t think about not drinking. The problem has been removed.”
Participate In My Own Recovery
All that was needed was my participation in my own recovery.
Just because the wind quit blowing doesn’t mean the storm is over. It just might be the eye you’re standing in.
It seems that when we quit drinking and using the problems would go away and we would be able to regain our status in life, but this is not so if you suffer from what I have suffered from.
The solution I learned was to “engage recovery”.
I cannot give addiction an inch, zero wiggle room.
New purpose and meaning fill my life with drive and purpose. My name is Chris. I am a fully recovered alcoholic and drug addict who has found a solution.
Also, I stand along with my friends. Those with me on “the firing line of life” ready to reach out to the still lost and broken.
I will always tell them the truth and offer the solution that was passed on to me.
Until next time,
Chris France | Chris France Media Ltd.