IS ANYONE OUT THERE?
How often has this statement rang true in my head. Stuck inside with the madness of my addiction stuck in m y soul. No hope getting out and reaching a favorable outcome.
PAIN & SUFFERING
Only continued pain and a suffering echo with-in my skull. Bouncing from side to the other, over and over and over again.
The bloods dripping down my arm! The madness of my addiction is on me!
Not again!!!!!!!! My reflection stares back at me…….. My God what have I done………
Breath, just breath, keep breathing!!!!!! The poison courses through and takes it’s toll………………….
………………… My circuits overload……………….
THE ANATOMY OF MY OVERDOSE –
Seizures and convulsions are common during a cocaine overdose as the brain is another area that is attacked.
The blood vessels in the brain can rupture so the user may suffer a lethal aneurysm.
In addition, since the nerve cells can’t communicate with each other properly, the user may experience uncontrollable muscle movements such as shaking, jaw grinding or teeth chattering.
The legs and arms may feel shaky and weak, and the increase in muscular activity can lead to a dangerously high fever.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, muscles may become paralyzed to the point where the user can’t even scream for help.
IS ANYONE OUT THERE – ANYONE???
Imagine watching your body going through this and being so helpless that you can’t do anything to stop it.
That is the horrific way that survivors of a cocaine overdose describe this experience.
If an individual survives a cocaine overdose, their health may be affected forever.
they may have severe damage to major organs such as the heart, liver, lungs, brain and kidneys. Extensive damage can also occur to the intestines, bladder and reproductive organs.
An overdose can also change the way that the person thinks and feels even when they abstain from cocaine.
They may suffer psychosis, paranoia, panic attacks, tremors and delusions.
I am fading, fading out of reality………………………………………
the darkness is approaching…………………………..
BREATH, JUST BREATH, KEEP BREATHING!!!!!
The trauma of overdose became the norm, suicide in a “stick”…..
The cold tile floor is pressing on my face, gasping I reach for the unknown……rolling over on to my knees. Holding on to the rim of the commode I pull up to release my insides, but only convulsions, spasms, wrenching.
NEVER AGAIN, NOT EVER, NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t stop it. It won’t stop…………………… DAMN IT– DAMN IT– DAMN IT!
The music playing in the front room…………….I can here again………
David Gilmour & David Bowie —
Comfortably Numb —
Remember that night —
Live at the Royal Albert Hall (2007)
Hello? Hello? Hello?
….. Just nod if you can hear me.
……….. Is there anyone at home?
…………….. Is there anybody in there?
Come on now
…..I hear you’re feeling down.
………..Well I can ease your pain
……………. Get you on your feet again.
David Gilmour & David Bowie — Comfortably Numb —
Remember that night — Live at the Royal Albert Hall (2007)
FINAL WORDS
My experience as a cocaine junkie is a story of possession, slavery and torment. I did not choose the monster. The monster choose me. I escaped it’s grip and survived 39 years of addiction. I tasted its sweat, blood and tears.
If you are in the monsters grip — there is a way out!
Recovery is real and is possible.
Each day monsters are being destroyed. Destroyed by love, compassion and faith.
Let us help you………………………………..
Just breath…………………………………….
And reach………………………………………